Understanding Baby Sleep: Regulation, Stress, and Support

Sleep is one of the most common challenges parents faces—especially when a baby struggles to settle, wakes frequently, or seems impossible to put down. When exhaustion sets in, it’s natural to want to “fix” sleep as quickly as possible.

But here’s an important reframe:

Sleep is not just about tiredness. Sleep

is about regulation.

When we understand how a baby’s nervous system works, sleep begins to make much more sense. In this article, we’ll explore key insights from pages 3–5 of Sleep, Calm, and Connection by Ms. Tory, perinatal professional and parent coach, and why supporting regulation is the foundation of sustainable sleep.

Why Sleep and Regulation Are Different

One of the most critical distinctions to understand is that sleep and regulation are not the same thing.

• Sleep is a biological state that occurs when the body feels safe enough to let go.

• Regulation is the nervous system’s ability to feel calm, settled, and secure.

A baby can be very tired and still unable to sleep if their nervous system is activated.

Key Takeaways

Sleep Requires a Downshift Rest happens when the nervous system stops scanning for danger. Sleep begins when the body perceives safety.

Tired ≠ Calm Fatigue alone does not create sleep. Exhaustion without regulation often makes it harder to fall asleep, not easier.

When we shift our focus from “How do I make my baby sleep?” to “How do I help my baby feel safe enough to sleep?” everything changes.

Why Crying Escalates at Bedtime

Bedtime is a major transition. After a full day of stimulation, movement, and interaction, many babies struggle with the shift into stillness.

Crying at bedtime is often interpreted as resistance, but more accurately, it is a request for safety.

Common Contributors

• Stimulating days – sights, sounds, handling, and activity accumulate

• Elevated stress hormones – cortisol naturally rises as the day progresses

• Separation awareness – babies begin to sense nighttime distance from caregivers

• Nervous system overload – the system isn’t ready to power down yet

Escalating crying is not manipulation. It’s communication.

Why Schedules Sometimes Stop Working

Schedules can be helpful for predictability and rhythm, but they cannot override biology.

When a schedule that once worked suddenly doesn’t:

• Development may have shifted

• Sensitivity may have increased

• Stress may have accumulated

• Biological rhythms may be changing

  
  

This doesn’t mean you need a stricter schedule.

As Ms. Tory teaches:

“When a schedule stops working, it doesn’t mean you need a tighter one. It means your baby’s nervous system needs different support.”

Structure is useful—but regulation comes first.

Why Some Babies Wake Every 60–90 Minutes

Babies naturally surface into lighter sleep between sleep cycles. This is normal.

When the nervous system is calm, babies often glide into the next cycle. When the nervous system is activated, babies fully wake.

Frequent waking usually reflects incomplete downshifts, not broken sleep.

Common Causes

• Daytime overstimulation

• Separation sensitivity

• Unresolved stress or activation

  
  

Night wakings are not failures. They are feedback.

Feeding, holding, and close contact often work because they provide regulation, not because a baby “can’t sleep without them.”

Tools for Supporting Better Sleep

1. The 5-Minute Pre-Sleep Downshift

Before attempting sleep, shift the nervous system first.

Order matters:

• Lights → Dim or soften visual input

• Movement → Slow, rhythmic rocking or walking

• Tone & Breath → Quiet voice, slower pace, longer exhales

Think: slow, quiet, predictable.

2. Responding to Night Wakings

Not every sound needs immediate intervention—but not every sound should be ignored.

Respond immediately if:

• Crying is sharp, escalating, or intense

• Body is stiff, frantic, or arching

• Rooting or clear distress is present

Pause briefly if:

• Sounds are light, rhythmic, or fading

• Baby appears between sleep cycles

Observation prevents unnecessary escalation.

Final Thoughts

When we understand the difference between sleep and regulation, we stop battling our baby’s biology and start working with it.

You are not creating bad habits. You are building a nervous system that knows how to settle.

As Ms. Tory often says:

“Calm builds capacity. Capacity builds independence.”

When regulation becomes the foundation, sleep becomes a natural byproduct—not a fight.

If you’d like to explore this work more deeply, Ms. Tory shares extended teachings inside Sleep, Calm, and Connection and through her parent education offerings.

Gentle. Nervous-system informed. Rooted in safety.